My Lola passed away yesterday.
She was sick over a year already, been in and out of the hospital several times due to her tuberculosis. All along I thought she was doing fine, she was in the hospital five days ago. Findings changed, she wasn’t eating at all, they have to put tubes inside her mouth to feed her. I never got the chance to visit her even before she died.
She died because of a heart attack and dehydration.
I wasn’t sad, maybe because she was not a stage grandmother to me, being the second set of grandchildren from her daughter.
My prayer last Thursday was to stop her pain, if she will live let her live and if she’s not going to make it anymore get her. I prayed for it for the good of everyone, my mom, being the only child, cannot afford to pay the bills anymore. And my dad been contributing to the bills as well. I only gave a couple of bucks for her meds and other expenses.
She was asking to go home as the ship will leave any minute. Finally she can rest and hopefully she’ll be with her husband, my grandfather, who died 22 years ago.
When I came to the chapel last night, I am somehow happy. She gathered the whole family, since my half siblings had their own family eight years ago, we never complete in any family occasions. Sad to say we were brought up to be timid with each other. Last night was reunion.
****
I was looking for a decent photo in my album and only found two. The photo above was in San Marcelino. I don’t know how old am I in that photo.
and this photo was taken during my birthday. Thank goodness I have captured a memory with her. We used to be close, I’m the one who pulls her graying hair and color it to brown. I do her pedicure and scrubs. I am the one who listens in all her stories. I am wondering why the relationship changed. She got mad when she saw with my boyfriend when I was in college.
She compliments me a lot. She is happy because I have the knowledge to manage the house and the fact that I graduated college and now with a decent job.
Her last request to me was for me to buy my nebulizer that she can borrow. I bought that nebulizer last week but she’ll not be able to borrow it anymore.
I hope she’s in a better place now and watching over us. I hope she’ll guide my mom and the rest of the family.
****
This the first death in the family I have experienced. I do not know how will I bear more in the future, I shouldn’t be afraid, I know. But I can’t imagine, maybe my sister Dyne can manage it she’s just so strong to see struggles not like me only good outside but my heart is breaking inside.
I am imagining them leaving me one by one. Very weird imagination. I know in my heart who are those person that will tear in pieces.
****
God has plans. God has reasons.
****
My Lola will be cremated tomorrow at 3:00 PM. I still do not know the details as I am still in the office. I will be in charge tonight.
****
I would like to take this opportunity to thank people who extend their sincere condolences. I really appreciate it.
****
Lastly, I want to share this photo and I am hoping we can have a new one.
Kisses,
Sammy
No comments:
Post a Comment